The Art of Sleeping Peacefully

Mister Leviticus Gotobed-Sleeptight

Slept with his leg sticking out of the bed

As he perched most precarious and perilous each night,

Half over the edge of the metal bedstead.

Now you might suppose that the reason for this is

He wanted respite from the heat of the night.

In actual fact the true cause was his Missus,

Who slept like a mad pterodactyl in flight.

I’m sorry to say she took up the whole mattress,

Left just a few inches of iron bed frame.

It wasn’t a case of voluminous fatness,

Just that Juniper Gotobed slept with no shame.

In the day she was charm and decorum in person,

She minded her Ps and her Qs as she should.

But things changed when she slept, how her manners would worsen!

Mrs Gotobed-Sleeptight, asleep, was no good.

She stretched and she wriggled, she twitched and she started,

She would roll to the left, then she’d roll to the right.

One night she kicked Levi right on to the carpet,

The next day he felt like he’d been in a fight.

Levi hatched a plan, with just one day’s gestation,

A peaceful night’s kip he’d no longer forgo.

Nowadays he sprawls out, with no snooze deprivation,

While June writhes and squirms in the bunk just below.