Sally Sombrepot’s First Kiss

 Sorry Sally Sombrepot

Had not smiled for a fortnight.

She said she could, but she would not,

(She’s nothing if not forthright).

For smiling, sorry Sally said,

Comes from a disposition:

A merry mood, a happy head,

Not forced by imposition.

So Sally’s stern face stayed like this,

A doleful, cheerless child.

Till Johnnie Jollie stole a kiss:

And then, I swear, she smiled.

Scaredy-Crow

Christopher Crow had a problem,

A problem as deep as the sea,

Though he would have loved to soar up above,

He found altitudes frightening you see.

So Christopher hiked up the hillside,

And climbed to the tops of great peaks,

But he never would fly, could not even try,

Lest his stomach rise up to his beak.

His girlfriend, the rook, Ravenetta

Invited him out on a date.

“Let us go for a glide up the green mountainside,

Come at seven, and please don't be late.”

So Chris had a bath and a preening,

And set off in plenty of time.

Though it may sound insane, he just strolled down the lane,

So he got there at twenty past nine.

Ravenetta, as you can imagine,

Had no truck with his silly excuse,

For what kind of a crow would admit vertigo?

As a boyfriend - he’s worse than a goose!

For a goose has no problem with making

A beautiful nest on the ground.

But it’s easy to see, a crow’s nest needs a tree,

When those foxes come sniffing around.

Ravenetta left Chris in the doldrums,

And went off to find a new mate.

Which just goes to show, that a scaredy-cat Crow

Must at some point step up to the plate.

The Yoga Teacher

In the lotus position, the teacher sits,

The students, suffering, all regard her.

She quickly shifts, and does the splits, 

Turns out there’s postures even harder!

The Gandergoose

A rare flightless bird, the Gandergoose

Lives its life on the Island of Muck.

It wanders around feeling free, feeling loose,

Sharing gossip and tidbits with ducks.

A canny old bird, the Gandergoose;

The chicks are watched over by Dad.

He makes the whole nest out of chocolate mousse,

So they never feel hungry, or sad.

The fat flightless bird, the Gandergoose,

His strategy’s really the best,

For when predators come for the little papoose,

They invariably just scoff the nest.

The Treasure Tree

Young Irene had a piggy bank,

She kept her treasure in it.

She got a trinket, coin or gem - 

She hid it in a minute.

She worried lest her treasure trove 

Be lost, or even stolen,

So in the woods she found a tree:

A Yew tree with a hole in. 

She put her treasure in a box,

And hid it in the Yew tree.

That way she could be sure to keep

Quite safe her things of beauty.

She went each day to see the tree,

And check how it was doing.

And went home feeling satisfied;

Much heartened by each viewing.

First once a week, then every month,

Her visits grew less frequent.

But still her heart was warmed anew 

By any Yew-tree weekend.

The Yew became her treasure tree.

In time, as she grew older,

When she felt blue t'was not the box,

It was the tree consoled her.

And so her visits brought her peace,

The Yew tree gave her solace,

Unlike the treasures she'd acquired,

Which once just made her jealous.

And when Irene grew old and frail,

The hot sun left her jaded.

And then her Yew tree sheltered her,

And kept her cool and shaded.

There came a day (there always does),

When, sat beneath her treasure, 

Old Irene drew her final breath.

Upon her face: pure pleasure.

Two crows sat watching from a branch,

Then hopped inside the Yew tree,

And seconds later brought out gifts:

A small girl's things of beauty.

The Speling Test

This morning we’re having a spell-a-thon test,

I’m hopping I’ll do it quite well,

Because righting’s the thing that I like doing best,

Their aren't many words I can’t spel.

But sumtimes the teecher gets me all confuzed

Wen she says that my leters are rong.

I can sea that she dosn’t feel very umuzed

And I feal like I just doant be long,

Coz she maiks me sit rite at the bak of the clas,

With the wons who no nuttin a tall.

So maybee this moning il leve my bus pas

On the taibl owt in the frunt holl.

Then ile have to wark theyre in this swellterring son

And ile get their two lait for the test.

Just in time for P.E. - and a cross country run.

…. So I’d best lose my shorts, and my vest!

Digby Dogbreath and Henrietta Halitosis

Henrietta Halitosis

Suffered a very cruel fate

The thing that you’d find if you got up too close is

Her breath smelt of rotting fish bait.

Digby Dogbreath’s isolation

Began when he was thirteen,

For Digby’s every exhalation

Made all those around him turn green.

But Digby loved Ms Halitosis,

And she to her Dogbreath was true,

They imbibed their environment as through osmosis,

Though the rest of the world just said “Poo!”

Very few people would venture too near,

For the airwaves around them were foul.

But they never felt sad or rejected no fear!

And you’d never see them frown or scowl.

One day Henrietta said, “Digby my love,

I‘ve got the most wonderful news;

We’ve been blessed with a gift from the stork up above;

And in eight months a baby is due”.

Their joy was complete for a couple of days,

As they floated on cloud number nine

But slowly a question formed out of the haze,

At the back of Hen’s practical mind.

Genetical issues worried her slightly,

Her child should be happy and strong,

So she went to her doctor to ask him politely

If afflictions like hers were passed on.

The doctor told her that she mustn’t worry

Her baby was healthy and stout.

And then tried to get her to leave in a hurry

Before all his patients passed out.

On the day of the birth, proud Digby was there

To encourage and help Henrietta,

He told her to breathe, not to gulp in the air,

Though the nurse thought not breathing was better.

When the baby was born, she opened her eyes

And let out her very first shout

And the pong it produced was no great surprise,

Her parentage never in doubt.

So Harriet Dogbreath – Halitosis,

Who’s known to the whole world as Hal,

Is happy and loved, and I don’t think she’s noticed,

She’ll never be no femme fatale.